Saturday, September 24, 2011

How to sum up a year like this one? My Dad passed away in February. I was shocked by the physical way in which grief strikes a person. Mentally I thought I was managing okay, not great mind you, but okay considering the circumstances, but I was utterly stunned by the ramp up (or more accurately, full-on flare) of nearly all of my symptoms (migraines, IBS, fibro pain like i just couldn't believe, neurological symptoms and falling, the list goes on, and on, and on. Spring was terribly tough, no two ways around it. In May I spent a week in an epilepsy monitoring unit... the good news is I don't have epilepsy, the bad news is I have Paroxysmal seizures which I sort of gather means they aren't so sure what's causing them. Being in the hospital, I missed the one week in spring where my magnolia bloomed. Funny how it's the little things, huh. I had so been looking forward to taking pictures this year with my new camera. And this only takes us through May. Since then? The short version, my little brother got married so there was lots of prep leading up to that straight til mid July. I thought hey, now maybe I can breathe. Before the reception was over Mom broke her wrist while she was dancing (taking the term party til you drop a little too seriously). She was too cute and in all honesty she was high on life that night. At any rate we took her to the hospital after the reception ended and she came home with us at 7am the following morning. She's been living with us ever since. Oh yeah, and vertigo has once again reared its ugly head.

There's so much I need to sort through, both literally (combining two households) and metaphorically. There's a lot of "intricate" details I still need to categorize and sort - trying to connect the dots between co-existing conditions. I also need relearn how to live life within my limitations. The key word in there being LIVE. There are a lot of questions I'd like to ask fellow sufferers, but unfortunately I've been so swallowed up by just trying to get by that I haven't been able to revisit the online communities that might help provide some answers. For instance, if it wasn't for a Fibro support group online 5 years back I'm not sure when, if ever, I would have realized that I had Ehlers Danlos. I've learned not to underestimate the resource we each have the potential to be for one another. It's not just about emotional support, which is absolutely essential, but also that we are all such fascinating little walking knowledge bases with unique journeys through the wilds of chronic illness. One of the things that keeps me going is believing that what I've gone through, what I continue to go through, might hopefully ease the journey just a tiny bit for someone else. If someone can avoid even one pitfall of the panoply that inevitably accompany chronic illness, than it feels a little less like it was all for naught.

No comments: